To 13.1 and Beyond!

This last weekend, while most of America was floating out on the river, bbq'ing with family and friends or traveling the great highways of the US, I was joined by 27,000 of my closest friends at the Disneyland 8th Annual 1/2 Marathon....4:30am, I found myself about to embark on what I would later realize, was one of the most life changing 3 hours and 7 mins, I have ever encountered. But let me back up....

Brutal honesty moment...I have always struggled with my weight and body image. Whether I was actually overweight or not at any given point, I always felt I was. Felt I was unhealthy; felt there was a 'better' me that I just couldn't reach. 2 years ago, if someone had asked me if I wanted to run, I'd let them know I'd only run if my life was in danger, and even then, it'd had to be a real threat. I hated running. In high school during P.E, it would take me 20+ mins to walk a mile, and by the end of it, I was exhausted.

It wasn't until about 2 years ago, after the 1st birthday of my 3rd child, that I found myself on a treadmill, trying to lose that 'baby weight', that my legs started to go faster, and walking no longer felt good, but rather running felt better. I was walking so fast, my body said 'why not just run?'...so I did. And it was pretty cool. I hit a mile, and called it quits, but left that day thinking I should maybe give this running thing a second chance.

The days turned into weeks, and I could often be seen running around the neighborhood, hitting 2, 3 miles at a time. Even on vacations to Oregon, I would get up early and run on the pier. It felt good to run. Each step I took, I knew I was getting closer to something good. Not sure what, but it was going to be good.

Once I felt running was more a part of me than it wasn't, I decided to take a few cross fit and HIIT classes, to keep my body guessing. I bought the right shoes, the right outfit, the mat, the water bottle...the whole 9 yards. I was in a groove and it was awesome. But it was just that...a groove. I don't like to sit still for long and am always looking for that next challenge.

One day in January of this year, while browsing through Facebook, I saw runDisney. I saw there was this 1/2 Marathon that was coming up over Labor Day... I thought "Labor Day?...that's like 8 months away...I could totally train for this and do this!", so I registered.....Then April rolled around, and I thought "Oh I still have 4 months to train for this...I can start next month"....and then May and June...until finally it was the end of July. By this point, I had continued to run off and on, and did a class here and there. And had pretty much given up the idea that I'd actually be doing the 1/2 Marathon and I had wasted the registration fee... Oh well.

But then August came and I started talking about the 1/2. I told my family, my friends, strangers in the 5am work out classes that I was going to do it. Meanwhile my little voice in the back of my head kept saying "no you're not...why are you telling people this??” But I kept talking; I kept telling everyone how excited I was to do this. And then a week before the race I booked my hotel room. Paid for in full. As a single income family of 5, this wasn't just easy play money to toss around. So I knew I had committed myself to doing it. How could I not? There were so many people in all my circles of life that 'knew' what I was going to do. I can't let them down. I can't make up some silly excuse....so I booked the room, told my husband we were really going to go, regardless of my lack of 'real' training.

And so we did. We went down Saturday, checked into our hotel room and headed out to get my bib and shirt at the Health and Fitness Expo being held at the Disneyland Hotel.

I walked in, grabbed my stuff, and walked straight back out. Whoa. What was I getting myself into? Real panic set in at that point. There were hundreds of people. Hundreds of runners. Hundreds of people who trained, who loved running, who were ready for this. I was not one of those people. My mind said, 'oh, you can just say you did it, and no one will really know the difference', but again, I found myself taking a picture of my shirt and bib and posting it on FB. A sort of subconscious way of keeping me in check, because like before, I can't let these other people down. 

We headed back to the hotel. I put all my gear and paraphernalia in a neat little pile in the bathroom, so I could get up and get ready at 3:30am the next morning without disturbing my sweet little family sleep beside me. Set my alarm, set the alarm on the nightstand next to me and set my husband’s alarm. Was I really doing this??

20 mins before my alarm went off, I was wide awake. I debated getting up. It was so dark, so quiet, and so peaceful in the room. The bed was warm and inviting. But as if some unseen force was prodding me in my back, I sat up, got dressed and headed out to eat something similar to what I had googled the night before. Because, yeah, that's the right time to figure out what you should eat before running 13.1 miles. I found a few things and managed to muster the strength to choke them down. I knew if I was going to make it through this, I had to give my body some sort of fuel.

4am rolled around and I woke up my sweet sleeping children, my husband, and we quietly ushered them into the car. Blurry eyed, my husband drove me down to Disneyland and at a stop light, and I leaned over, gave him a kiss and hopped out of the car. He was off, back to the hotel. I stood on the corner watching his tail lights get farther and farther out, until I couldn't see them. I turned around and watched a flood of runners usher into a small path leading us to the start.

I knew I stood out like a sore thumb. I felt like a brand new kid at a brand new school. A school wherever one had been going for years, knew each other, and knew what to expect. And here I stood, on the corner, all by myself, in my shiny new shirt, and shiny new belt filled with crap I never imagined I'd be eating. Staring at them all as they cross the street into the darkness.

So I crossed the street.

I followed the masses of people. Not sure of where we'd end up, but figured they looked like they knew what they were doing. And out of the blue I hear a voice asking me where I was from. I turned and there was a woman, dressed in a Snow White running outfit. She was smaller than me, brown hair and had a really neat accent. She kept talking to me, told me where she was from, told me about her kids, her husband. We joked about the absurd hour we were up. We continued to talk until we were at the entrance to the staging area where there were photographers getting shots of all the runners as they came in. She excused herself, and cutely posed for a shot, and then turned and said "good luck!" and with that she was off.

(I found this picture of her the next day)

She was much like a guardian angel to me that morning. Her pleasantness and kind demeanor guided me through the hardest part of the journey. From drop off to staging. Once I was in staging, there was no looking back.

I followed the signs. Picked up a cup of water, used the porta potty....mimicked a lot of what everyone else was doing to try and fit in. Once I felt I had sufficiently made it look like I knew what I was doing, I followed the crowds to our corrals. I was in the last corral. Corral G. The corral for people who are just like me. The ones embarking on their 1st 1/2, the ones who have just discovered this thing called running. The ones who don't care about time, they just care about finishing.

I joined my fellow G's, and waited. And waited. And Waited. 5:30am rolled around and they finally were letting the A Corral go. 5 mins passed and it was B's turn, then C and so on and so forth. To the left of us was Corral E. In there, there was a pacer. This person held up a sign and was the one to look for if you wanted to finish in 3hours. Hmmm..if she's in E, an I'm in G, do I even have a shot of finishing in the 3:30 time limit they've set? Was I going to get swept?? (Swept by the way is the nice way of saying, you're too damn slow, get on the bus, we're taking you to the end of the race...nice try). Being swept was my worst fear.

Finally they called out for the G corral. We all moseyed our way up to the start. I was too nervous to take out my camera at this point and take a picture. Every second counted, and what if I lost one or two trying to put my phone back in its shiny new holder, and it was those few seconds that made me get swept. So instead, I listened intently and watched the clock....the countdown....5, 4, 3, 2, 1.....we were off.

I was doing it. I was actually doing it! I was actually taking steps on the route of my 1st 1/2 Marathon! One foot in front of the other, keep on going I told myself. First turn was ahead and already, there were people cheering us on....strangers with signs, while there probably for someone specifically, were clapping and yelling for us all.

We meandered into the park, through California Adventure. (A little side note. My family and I are huge Disney fans. Not just fans, but real fanatics. And not just about the park, but about the whole operation, about Walt and his history. You want to know any sort of small interesting factoid about Disneyland, I'm your gal. So I was so excited to be running through the back lot of the parks, seeing something that most Disney visitors never get to see!) I tried to maintain my focus on running, but found myself reading all the signs on the buildings, wondering what they did in there, who worked there, what it looked like inside. When suddenly we were in Disneyland! We were running down Main Street USA! There were cast members reaching out with the big Mickey hands giving fives as we ran by! Through Adventureland, down around the Carousel, through Sleeping Beauty's Castle and on to Tomorrowland. We looped around the Matterhorn and went down into Toontown, where we exited somewhere in the back. As we came around through the custodial center, we also got to pass the horse corral. It's where they keep all the horses you see pulling the trolleys up and down Main street! It was one of my 'Disney bucket list" items to see this! I wanted to badly to stop and take a picture with the horses, but I had to keep moving. I only had 3hours and 30 mins to finish this!

Once we made it through the park, it was a long stretch on the streets of Anaheim. Winding up and down blocks, the miles started to fly by. Mile 3, 5, 6....I couldn’t believe I was still going, and still feeling good. How could I not? With all the supporters, fans, cheerleaders, dancers, old car enthusiasts parked holding signs, signing and routing us on. How could I not keep going?

I came upon my first water station, grabbed my cup of water and saw everyone just throwing their cups! What the heck? ..... What messy people these marathoners are...but by my 4th water station, I hardly slowed, grabbed my cup, poured it on my head and tossed it to the side. When in Rome right? ....

Mile 8 turned to 9 and I got a little extra spring in my step. I knew at 9.5 miles there was a treat for me...at mile 9.5 it was where I was greeted by my family. They stood just outside Angels Stadium. I saw my babies, all 3 of them and my husband just barely before I passed them. I stopped for half a second to kiss them, and just as my legs wanted to give out, I knew I had to keep going. I choked up and knew the next prize was only 3.6 miles away.

I kept on truckin'. Trying to keep pace with my 'white rabbit' runner in front of me. I read all the inspirational shirts the other runners were wearing. Sharing reasons why they were running and who they were running for. I was doing ok at this point.

That was until mile 11 and 12. I was walking more than I was running by now. I was letting my muscles cool down, and that made them hurt. I saw all the other runners stopping to stretch their calves out and it looked like it felt sooo good, and I knew that is what my body was telling me to do. But I couldn't stop. If I stopped, I would never get going again, so I started to alternate 20 seconds running, 20 seconds walking. Surprisingly running felt so much better than walking, but I had little to no energy at this point.

Mile 12. One more to go. I don't know that I can make it. All the voices came into my head. All the voices that said we told you so, we knew you couldn't do it. And then there it was. There was that shiny new medal. Gold and beautiful. I hadn't really seen what it was going to look like until now. It was being held by another runner that had finished already. He was showing us all, saying what we had waiting for us around the corner. Routing us on giving us that last little push we needed.

And then there it was!!! The finish!! It was only a few steps ahead of me.

I crossed the finish and a few tears escaped my eyes.

I did it.

I did it.

I wouldn't take no for an answer from myself. I didn't give into the 1000 excuses and reasons why I couldn't or wouldn't be able to do this. My body showed me what it had in it. I did it.

And I have a shiny beautiful gold medal that I want to wear everywhere now. I want to wear it to the grocery store. I want to wear it to pick up my kids from school. I want everyone to know I did it. I didn't just run 13.1 miles that day, I proved myself right. That if I put my mind to it, I can do anything. I am stronger than I had ever imagined.

So why am I sharing this? I'm sharing this because I want you to know that you can do it too. Not necessarily run a 1/2 marathon, but that you can be strong and quiet all those negative voices in your head that say you can't. Whatever it is, quiet them, and prove them wrong. You're stronger than you could ever believe. And imagine what kind of example you're setting for your kids!! All 3 of my kids say they want to run a 1/2 marathon with me when they're older.

We're breaking the cycle.